·:[ notetoself.us Blog ]:·
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The ruminations, rants, poems, diatribes, ponderings, and other Nick outbursts that he has documented on the back of countless place settings over years of late-night dining at this remarkable establishment.

Where the is my chicken. I’m hungry and I want to eat. Now! If my chicken is still alive the waitress and the cook won’t be for long.
She just came back and said she put a rush on it, the “cook” forgot. She said it be out in 2 minutes. I bet I could get it in 30 seconds if I ordered the cook’s with it. I ending sentences with a preposition.
You can’t pick your friends’ noses but you can spit Ice on them

beverages are sauce for the life giving ice cubes

The energy caffeine gives only comes out seemily when people are around. It also shortens my attention span.

earaghhh! -12:05 a.m. 10/1/95

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are working at Subway until closing

beeper/ [editor's note: I believe that here Nick is referring to an idea I had about using my pager for gratification by placing it in any number of strategic positions and then dialing the number.]

I will name my first kid 73. I will do this because it will provide job security. You never see “inspected by Bob” written on your underwear.

When Dawn Killed BillI remember the night well. Me, Bill, Tracy, Jenni, Pilar, Christine, Nicole, Steve (in non-smoking) and in the smoking section, Gina, Tammy, Dawn, Lisa. Well to be honest Dawn came over to non-smoking once which was when Bill died. Since Bill is invisible, Dawn didn’t see him and crushed his frail, tiny weak Body like a 747 running over a grape. I cried out, “You killed Bill.” She looked real shocked as if she didn’t see him.
you know how you felt about who you broke up with and now someone thinks like that about you

One day cucumber boy was sitting on a top secret military spy satellite watching a ballgame and feeding the government false information on incoming nuclear warheads. He did this a lot because he liked to sit on the satellite as the feds spin it around to look at the missiles.

Vietnam 1969
My plane was shot down by the enemy and I crashed into the dense jungle. I crawled out of the burning mash of metal only to have my testes ripped out by a rabid gorilla. That sucked. I pulled an M-16 with 6 clips, 14 s, and a gameboy out of the plane. Being quite hungry I started lobbing s into random directions hoping to kill something. I counted to 20 before throwing the first one and that didn’t work. After the second exploded close to my plane blowing it sky high and launching the remaining missiles into a nearby enemy camp I began to suspect my presence was known

Immortality should be a pizza topping. Some might say that there is only one way to achieve immortality but I think it is to order a large pizza with immortality on it. It tastes weird but it would be weird anyway when Earth is Destroyed (which some say has already happened) you will be hurtling, bored silly, through space until all of your facial hair is burned up when you enter an atmosphere that may or may not smell like pterydactl shit. It is quite possible though that you could slam, quite painfully, into a roaming asteroid or even lost and/or found spacecraft.
Immortality would suck if you were lucky enough to find someone to love. You would out live that person by countless lifetimes. You would carry part of that pain with you forever. Nothing is ever totally forgotten, the least of which is the feeling of being in love, and the pain of losing someone you loved and that loved you.

Do you ever try to suppress a thought that is trying to come out. It’s hard. thoughts tend to take a life of their own. This must be how Tori Amos writes her music.

you know, with all the alterna-freaks that are in here, way too much country music.

vacuous monkey

scrawny Ass Charlie Brown Palm tree

I smite thee with a notepad
A notepad so big that the world
Trembles
whenever it is that I
whip it out.
And when it trembles doth so,
everyone thinks everyone else
has gas.

There was a terrible storm the night before. Thunder kept me awake all night. When the lightning flashed it would create a nightmarish landscape that was so briefly populated by viscious beast and evil people. It was one of these beast that so forcefully stole my one and only testicle.

memory isn’t only the thought of a past occurence but also the emotion connected to it.

a vague memory is often a fragment of a dream
cheese whiz makes me fart.
sad, poor, flaming wounded something
it pains me to see you this way
and to use ‘pains’ as a verb
please buy me some shoes and a
telephone so I can call someone
and complain about the damn shoes
you bought me.

all analysis falls to retrospection at some point.

Babies are not Legos.

Satans Barbed Penis says hi

The Heroin jacked sheep pimps.

The Bane of all Bartenders, Hooleeoo.

Marriage is not a horse.